This Time Of Year

September 11th was my mother's birthday.  Two years ago, on that day, my mother who had been in and out of the hospital was released to go home--for the last time, it turned out.  It was the best present she could have received  at the time. I went home to see her shortly thereafter for about 10 days, then 5 days after I came back, she passed away.  And that was October 5th.

Summer turning into fall is one of my favorite times of the year.  As I grew up in Tokyo, that meant it was a relief from the beastly heat, and you could wear cute jackets but not have to bundle up.  But even as I have lived in Seattle for 14 years where the summer is the most beautiful time of year, something about the cool air and adding a comforter to your bed seems cozy. And the rain just adds to that.

But now, between September 11th and October 5th is a pensive time for me. The day of my mother's funeral was beautiful.  Sunny and warm.  And so gorgeous fall days will forever be associated with that time.  My father recently told me that he recalls cherry blossoms in full bloom when his mother passed away (he was 16 at the time), which is another beautiful time of year in Japan. He didn't articulate it, but I imagine he thinks about that every spring.

Last year, I went home alone to attend the one year anniversary gathering.  There is a two year gathering this year, but I am unable to go. Once again, the distance is separating me from my family--I wish I was just a train ride or car drive away, but I am not. All I can do is to call my dad and chat with him, look up at the sky and search for my mother and report to her about my daughter in my head. I go over and over about things I said and didn't say and the very last hug my mother gave me which was weak but lingering.

Recently, I was back on stage after almost 12 years. It was play about The Manhattan project called The Realm of Whispering Ghosts and much to my shock, I had one of the four principals, and with the most amount of lines, which almost did me in. I played a young (!!) woman who died in Hiroshima bombing and tries to go back in time to change history.  Her character was determined, loyal, relentless, and strong.  She was my mother.  I thought of her every time I was out there and when my husband saw it, the first thing he said was "your character reminded me of your mom," and we hadn't even discussed it.

Then around the time of her birthday, a calendar, which is produced by an organization my mother was a part of, fell to the floor while my husband was near by.  He picked it up and tacked it back on the wall and it fell twice after that.  When he went to pick it up for the third time, he uttered, "I know it's your birthday, Janet."

I suppose that is how people live on. By haunting you in good ways and bad and lingering in your thoughts and sense memories.

Maybe I will take myself to church on October 5th.  That'll shock her.

High Five

I volunteer at my daughter's school every once in a while if I can make it work in my schedule.  I enjoy it quite a bit because I get a glimpse of her school life and see her in her element.

This morning, I went again and this sweet classmate of my daughter says,
"Hi Yuki's mom!" which she always does.
"Hi sweetie." Says I, like always.

 Later, she sees me again and says,
 "Wait, are you Yuki's mom or..." and I say,
 "Yes, I'm Yuki's mom."

Then she smiles and says,
 "My mom always mixes you up with Sophia's mom."

Sophia's mom is also Asian. But she doesn't look anything like me, of course.
Given that she is a sweet child and this is her mom confusing us and not her, I just said,
"Oh yeah?"

Then my daughter chimes in and says, "Is it the hair?"
to which the girl replies "Yeah, I think so."

I am pretty certain the hair is not why the mom confused us, but I wanted to high five my kid for not going to the race assumption and then this girl for agreeing.

When people make such remarks I always have to stop and think before I react to see if it's a generalized race thing or they are actually onto something. I am proud of myself for not saying "tell your mommy, 'no, that's the other Asian.'" So high five to me too.

Noise

Oh hi.  I didn't see you there. Thanks for still being here despite my spotty attendance.

We just returned not too long ago from a trip back to Tokyo. Since my mother's passing, I am now making efforts to go there a couple of times a year to be with my father. Not a bad way to go. And April is a lovely time. The weather is mild, often pretty sunny. But because we are now going pretty frequently, I am starting to take note of things that I may have missed when I am too distracted by the big changes. On this trip, the thing I noticed that most was the noise. Japanese people like noise. And all the time. It is probably more prominent in Tokyo but even on TV, we like noise. Let me be specific:

1. If you go to a mall type of place, every store is blasting music. Stores in the US have music too but this is different. Some stores in Japan will play the most annoying, in your face, loud whatever as if this is a challenge for the shoppers to stay there and buy things.

2. Probably the noisiest of them all are the electronic stores. We have several chains of these mega electronic shops that has several stores and sells all things electronic. And apparently, they want to turn on every single thing that they are selling and turn it all the way up and just let them go.

3. Markets. Traditional food vendors bark to call in customers. This is an old tradition. It makes the place lively and each has a very specific pitch of voice they use and what they say.  What's funny is that this is now carried through to what we call Depa-Chika (department store basements), where an amazing array for foods are displayed for purchase. And they are high quality up scale foods but people are barking as if this is an outdoor market. Right around rush hour when housewives are out looking for stuff for dinner is the noisiest because they are pushing some specific items that are on sale that day. This noise, I don't mind so much.

4. TV. The majority of tv programs play music in the background, except for news--but even news related shows play music in the background while conversations are happening. And sometimes the level is just high enough that I have to strain to hear the dialogue.

5. Subway stations use to ring this jolting alarm to warn people that the doors are closing. But some time during the past 30 years, they switched it over to some musical tones, and it varies depending on what line you are on or what station. (Or some such thing. There is a whole population of train nerds who can tell you more and better, I am sure).

See, someone already did this for me. 

I don't expect you to sit through all 11 minutes.

All of that is part of the culture, but I wonder why? On one hand, we are known for our Zen gardens and quiet spirits yet we can't seem to part ourselves from noise making.  

During our stay, we took a side trip to Hakone near Mount Fuji. The place is known for it's view and hot springs. My father expressed interest in taking a small trip, so with my brother's family, we went there for a couple of days. We were having a nice lunch by a lake after taking a boat ride (well, it was called a Pirate Ship--not sure why it had such a theme but one does not refuse a chance to go aboard such things, methinks) and it was casual enough place that you ordered and paid for the food up front and they gave you a pager to let you know when it was ready. But it was a pager that beeped. And every single customer had one. So the restaurant not only was playing some muzak but had a constant beeping coming from every table. And to add to this, my 6 year old daughter kept beeping with each beep she heard. It was one of the most noise annoying meals I've ever had in front of a beautiful lake. Not. Relaxing. At. All.

But then later, we saw this out of our car window and all was restored.

Ahhhhh